Live the way we feel.

Tumblr

2011-06-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

I will now stop updating this.

If interested, please see new blog.

cassiekutay.tumblr.com

super.

Changes

2011-06-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

I reread all of my posts on this blog.
It is crazy to look back all all my heartache, and joy (which mostly just lead to more heartbreak).

I am scared to write about anything I feel right now.
Looking back, I just had to do edits and say things like, "never mind. that guy I liked just wanted in my pants. super."

And I hate having to write in code about my life because I don't want people knowing my business unless I want them too.

I started a blog on a different account before. I may go back to that one, just so I can write everything out. hmm.

Anyways, I am happy (in case anyone is wondering).
And there is even better stuff on the horizon.

I don't have a choice but I still choose you

2011-01-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

I can't stop listening to The Civil Wars.
They are amazing.
And coming to Charlotte Feb 9th.
Someone go with me?

And I am excited for my 3 day weekend.
Starting Thursday after work until I go to work Monday.
:)

And I am still thinking of what I want to do during my week off for my birthday.
I know I am going out of town at some point.
And also, just staying in Charlotte for some of it.
However, the fact that I don't like getting really drunk may be an issue.
I know my friends and family, and they will fuss.
And they will get over it. :)
It'll be my birthday, I'll do what I want.

without you things go hazy...

2011-01-11T17:25:00.000-08:00

I am happy.

I realized that while I am entirely over-emotional, it is not always bad.
Yes, I get upset and angry and my feelings get hurt easily.
But, I also care for others more than most.
I have a really big heart.

I want a mini vacation, just to rest for a few days, maybe read a good book and drink good wine.
And I wish I had more time/money to cook really good food.

Baby, it's cold outside

2010-12-05T08:11:00.000-08:00

I want to listen to Josh Groban's Noel all day long.

It's getting cold outside, and I'm excited to get to wear sweaters and boots.

I have battling emotions all the time right now.
I have this amazing happiness, but I keep waiting for it to end.
I have so much optimism about the future, but I don't know how long I can wait for "the future."

But overall, I am happy. And, I feel good about my life and decisions.
I am living for me for the first time in my life.

Always messin with my hairs.

2010-11-21T18:11:00.000-08:00

New hairstyle?

http://topnews.in/law/files/emma-watson12.jpg
http://gallery.ewva.net/displayimage.php?pid=18077&fullsize=1
http://gallery.ewva.net/displayimage.php?pid=18096&fullsize=1

I've been waiting on my own too long

2010-10-31T21:37:00.000-07:00

I keep typing things out and then deleting the entire entry.

This is stupid.

I don't know how I feel.

I wish you couldn't figure me out, but you would always wanna know what I was about.

2010-10-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

Things are getting better.
I have decisions to make.
I am distancing myself from everyone that could affect my thinking process so that this decision is mine alone.
I'm a big girl though; I can handle it.

I can't wait for Courteney's party for Halloween though.
I am getting SMASHED.
And sleeping there.
And recovering all Sunday.
It will be amazing.

Falling Up

2010-10-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

This last week has turned my world upside down.
I am devastated.
I deserve better.
I'm a good person; I don't understand why I keep getting screwed over.

Thank God I have Shelby and Courteney.
They have kept me sane and strong.

This week is an emotional rollercoaster.
I want off.

Chelsea Handler in 5 days with the bfffolyf3.
I hope that cheers me up.

Off

2010-09-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

It was my day off.
I spent the whole day sleeping, eating, and cuddling with my poor conehead baby.
Yes, Charlie has to wear an ugly cone because she was bad and ripped out stitches and is having and allergic reaction to a shot (we think).

Soooo, basically, I need a life.
This is pitiful.

Reduced...again!

2010-09-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

The Reduced Shakespeare Company is coming back to Charlotte!
They are doing The Complete World of Sports (abridged).
I am so excited.

So now I just need someone to go with me that will like theatre and likes sports. :)

All day, every day, chicken nuggets in my mouth

2010-09-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

I am now caught up on all my Jake and Amir videos.
My life is good once again.

And I officially believe guys are stupid.

But this made me happy today too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TL3oaHKCko
"You know what they say...lint is a shell's best friend."
hahahahahaha SO happy every time I watch this.

I wish that we could give it a go, see if we could be something.

2010-09-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

These past few days have been pretty lonely days.
Don't get me wrong, I love cuddling the shit out of my kitten...BUT, its not quite the same as cuddling the shit out of a boy.
I'll be over it and back to my usual independent self soon I'm sure...just as soon as a guy pisses me off about something and I get to say, "And THIS is why I am SINGLE!"
I don't know why I get this way. The loneliness comes in waves.
I just want a boy I can watch a movie with and cuddle and hold hands... I miss holding hands more than anything I think. :/ I'm so simple.

On a separate note, my baby girl Charlie is cute as shit lately. After getting her fixed and declawed she has been super sweet and needy and cute. I love it.

Also, work has gotten a lot better lately. I'm realizing more that my supervisor and managers really do support me and believe in me. BUT, I'm exhausted and can't wait for my two days off in a row after PI. :D I will sleep the whole time.

I'm going to go catch up on Jake and Amir. YAY my life.

Can't be tamed?

2010-08-31T18:27:00.000-07:00

Well I guess the girls are all being popstars this year for Halloween. And they want me to be one too...
I originally said no...
And then they suggested Miley Cyrus...
And I said no again...
But then I remembered this:

And then I thought, "If I can pull that off then HELL YEAH!"
So we shall see.

We've been living life inside a bubble.

2010-08-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

There have been so many highs and lows lately.
I am trying to process everything.
Brinkley left my store, which sucks because I feel like I am losing one of my best friends, even if he is just moving uptown.
I got the Di-Tech Lead position which is amazing, but I didn't get much of a raise at all which is frustrating because I feel I deserve more.
There is a lot going on in my family right now, good and bad, and I just love my family so much (even though the may drive me insane), and I just want to protect them from everything, and I can't.
And I'm still single, which is nice because I can do as I please, but it gets lonely. I am just tired of guys thinking of me as only a piece of ass.
I have an AMAZING CD that my friend Ernie let me borrow though and that is improving my mood.

eeeek can't wait until Saturday

2010-06-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

Charlie

2010-06-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

I has a new kitty.
I'm not sure if its a boy or girl.
So, its name is either Charlotte or Charles but is nicknamed Charlie either way.
I LOVE MY BABY!

Also, I am getting my hair done in about two weeks.
I am thinking about this:

2010-05-23T11:04:00.000-07:00

I have so much potential in me.
I know I need to be doing something with my life, something bigger than being the counter girl in a dry cleaners.
I am so stressed and confused.
I just have to get out of here and DO something with my life.

can I do the Britney shaved head look for the wedding?

2010-05-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

I have changed my mind once again about how I want to do my hair for the wedding and am now thinking of doing this:

I want to be a female Chris Martin

2010-04-30T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm watching the Coldplay concert from Tokyo for the millionth time.
Makes me so happy every time!

I am being such an optimist lately.
I still have my insecurities and worries, but I just have faith that the things that didn't work out in the past happened that way for a reason.

I am trying to be a better person.
I am trying to improve myself in small ways.
I still mess up, but I try to fix it and move on.

Tired

2010-04-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted.
mentally, physically, emotionally.

I need a day long nap and some meds to recharge.

UHHHHHHH. I suck.

2010-04-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

I heard from Ken about an hour after that post.
I worry too much.
I legit googled his name to see if I saw anything wrong.
I suck. Well actually I am awesome for being so caring right? Just too worrisome.

UHHHHHHH.

2010-04-07T19:54:00.001-07:00

I haven't talked to Ken since my birthday.
I am trying not to worry.
I am sure he is just busy, but we typically email each other every couple days.
BUT, on a happy note, he will be home in a little over a month.

Love Is All

2010-04-04T18:04:00.001-07:00

I am LOVING the new Michael Alvarado EP.
Seriously, makes me so happy.

Birfday

2010-03-27T12:14:00.001-07:00

1 day until my family dinner for my birthday.
2 days until I go to Columbia and see my babies.
3 days until my actual birthday.

And this is what I want:

HERRO GUY BERRYMAN

Send me on my way.

2010-03-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

I am really stressing about my twentieth birthday.
I have no idea what to do with my life.
I have no idea what my "calling" is.
I have no plan for my future.
I feel like I should.

I keep asking all my friends what they think.
Dani said she could see me enjoying event planning or something in design.
Kenneth said he could see my enjoying a PR job.
IDK. I need help.

HAY HAY HAY HAYDEN

2010-03-10T17:02:00.000-08:00

I think I want this hairstyle for Ariana's wedding.

Its just so pretty.

mmmm sushi

2010-03-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

Sushi 101 is really good. I like the Crispy Bagel rolls.

I am really tired now.
Note to self: going to sleep at 6am on a day I have work = bad idea.
And I am starting to get sick.
I have a scratchy throat and a cough and I am starting to get congested.
:(

On a separate note... last night was surprisingly good.

"WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!?!?!"

2010-02-24T19:54:00.000-08:00

Anything that could go wrong for me today in Clemson did go wrong.

Even Melissa said I couldn't catch a break.

It was certainly not my day.

I have cleaned my whole room already (indicator to my family at how upset I was), I bought myself fresh fruit, I also bought fresh flowers for my room, and I downloaded the 1999 TV movie version of Alice in Wonderland.
Anything to cheer myself up I guess.

I'm not in love, I just want to be touched. I just want your kiss boy.

2010-02-18T20:16:00.000-08:00

I am really excited about my Clemson trip with Melissa next Wednesday!
I've only been down there once, so it'll be fun to go again.
And it'll be fun to have a day to catch up and hang out with my little twin :)

I'm ready for another day off when I can sleep in and do laundry and get house work accomplished.

2010-02-12T20:10:00.000-08:00

I need to find a roommate and an apartment ASAP.

2010-02-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

Life is crazy and hectic right now.
Working two jobs is kicking my butt, and the paychecks make it all better.

I am feeling better about past situations, finally.
I can't change it and I am finally moving on.
I don't think I will be able to date for a while; I just have NO interest in talking to/dating anyone right now.

Now I have to go eat and get ready to work at a restaurant Valentine's Day Weekend.
KILL ME NOW.

It's a new life for me.

2010-02-02T13:41:00.000-08:00

Seriously, Coldplay is like the soundtrack to my life.
Can't stop listening.
Well, I do, but lately it's only to switch to Michael Buble.

It's a new dawn.
It's a new day.
It's a new life
for me,
and I'm feeling good.

^ I am determined for this to be the motto of 2010.

I'm feeling good.

2010-01-31T11:38:00.001-08:00

I get a second chance soon.
This time I wont lose my nerve.
This time I wont wait until its too late.
This time I will let it happen and expect nothing.
This time I will go for it.

And I can't stop listening to Michael Buble.
So amazing.

Romano's

2010-01-26T18:10:00.000-08:00

I got a new job.
It's a hostess at Romano's Macaroni Grill.
Its been two full days, and I really like it.
I really like everyone I've met so far.

I worked both jobs today though.
My feet hurt and I have a headache.
I'm going to have to get used to this.

And, I have to wear ugly non-slip shoes. GROSS.

Definition of a Class Act (see Conan O'Brien)

2010-01-23T21:34:00.000-08:00

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." -Conan O'Brien

My heart goes out to Conan and his cast and crew. He had his dream taken away from him during its infancy.
Also, I my heart goes out to their families, that uprooted their lives and moved 3000 miles from their home for 17 years.
The entire Tonight Show cast and crew, and their families, will be in my prayers.

The story under this article made me bawl:
http://mattdwilliams.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/conan%E2%80%99s-spectacular-finish/

Conan O'Brien is a CLASSY man.
He seems like one of the kindest and most genuine people in entertainment.
I can't wait to see what is next for him.
I have no doubts that this is NOT the end at all.

BUT SRSLY, I've been bawling over this. It makes me so sad.

I promise I will learn from my mistakes

2010-01-20T18:42:00.001-08:00

I found these on my computer saved.
My love/obsession is sad.
But he's just so dreamy.

On a less creepy note, I am praying that I can finally just catch a break.
These past couple years have been really shitty for me, and I really just cannot catch a break in any part of my life.
Anything I get is taken away.
I found something I really want and I honestly need.
It would be amazing if I could get it, AND KEEP IT this time.
I am praying with everything in me for this.

Conan

2010-01-12T20:57:00.001-08:00

I have a serious emotional tie to this Conan O'Brien situation going on.
I have watched almost every episode of both Late Night and Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien since I was 11 years old. Almost 9 years!
I watched his Inside The Actors Studio and cried from laughing so hard.
I'm really sad that he may not be on anymore.
LOVE YOU COCO!

I'm a million different people from one day to the next.

2010-01-08T19:29:00.000-08:00

It has been a rough week.

Not knowing is really hard for me.
I need to know what went wrong.
And I need closure with the situation.

The negativity from other people has gotten old.
He's a good person regardless.
I'm not angry, don't know why anyone else would be.

I do have amazing friends and family though.
Brinkley and Travis have cheered me up every time I am down.
I got a video of my little brother dancing that seriously almost made me pee myself.

And just on a "shitty night" note, I downloaded 3 new movies and accidentally hit "delete" instead of stopping peer uploading. fail. and now its taking 3 times as long as it did before. damn eeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

2010

2010-01-03T14:36:00.000-08:00

I got "fail night 2010" out of the way on New Years.

Everything is great now though.
Just had a Harry Potter weekend with Yana.
The boys joined us and were all excited.
It was a good lazy New Years weekend. :)

And thank you Lord for making someone as nauseatingly GORGEOUS as Channing Tatum in She's the Man and Step Up

And I am kissing you...

2009-12-27T18:39:00.000-08:00

I mean, really, is there a better looking guy than Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo+Juliet?

I think not.
I would sell myself just to make out with him, just once.

You know you're better than this.

2009-12-22T22:08:00.000-08:00

I have been through better.
And I have been through worse.
I'll make it out of this alright.

Get back to where you once belonged.

2009-12-20T17:23:00.000-08:00

I am done. DONE DONE DONE.

The only thing in life I want is that German Shepherd/Husky mix puppy that Ms Paschal told me about.

OH and Peter Frampton?! Yeah, I said it. Don't hate. He is incredible.

Danny Kaye

2009-12-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas time. Therefore my love and obsession with Danny Kaye is back.
He's such a dreamboat.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My dream guy.

LT and Sarge

2009-11-29T19:50:00.000-08:00

This weekend was really good.
Went to Dani's on Friday, movies on saturday, worked all day today.
The movie 2012 blew...but it was still fun.

I am really working on trying to control my anxiety.
Before I just coped with it with medicine, now I am trying to stop my panic attacks before they get that far.
Its getting better.
I honestly think I may start yoga and meditation though?!

Still loving life so much right now.
I am happy in every way.

Oh and I cant wait for me and Bruddah to get LT and Sarge.

And oh you knock me down.

2009-11-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite song right now.
This is just so incredible. Really.

I should be a taste tester

2009-11-20T20:30:00.000-08:00

I spent like 20 minutes at work today analyzing the chips, queso, and salsa from salsaritas. it was kind of ridiculous. but entertaining...and i didnt have to work.

I have 2 Saturdays off in a row. And I have no idea what to do. :/

Channel, and chop, and z-frame, and tons of crap I know nothing about.

2009-11-16T21:51:00.001-08:00

Well I'm not going on the ski trip now. Me and Cam decided neither of us can swing it money wise. And its right around Christmas. And I need my hair done haha. etc.

But other than that, things are still amazing.

Hopefully next pay I'll get my hair did. :D
Yay for blonder and cute bangs. :)

EEEEEKKKKKKK!

2009-11-12T07:56:00.000-08:00

I want this outfit so bad. So damn cute.

I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

2009-11-10T17:22:00.000-08:00

Sore. Sleepy. Happy.

Ready for date night with Yana to go eat and see Time Traveler's Wife.

Ready for New Years.
Me and Ariana decided were gonna do it big this year.
Well we decided it would be our regular group probably.
But that works for us.

Ready for the trip in January.
YAY snow! And coats! And boots! And sweaters!
I'm ready for the cold.

Har Har Har

2009-11-09T15:18:00.000-08:00

I think I'm too observant for my own good.

Joe the Seahorse

2009-11-08T17:23:00.001-08:00

I am SO happy.

Life is SO good.

Counting down until the ski trip in January.

And this is Joe.

Bawlin.

2009-11-03T00:57:00.000-08:00

Really bad/really good night.

Don't know what to make of it all.

I really am trying to focus on the good.
But I am REALLY hurt.

Halloween

2009-11-01T18:41:00.000-08:00

Well Friday:
Lauren was the walk of shame, I was Barbie, Alli was swine flew, and Amanda was a sexy librarian.

And then this dinosaur in a suit walked up, so me and Alli creeped into a picture.

Saturday:
I was a 30s gangster girl, which later the boys decided I was actually Britney Spears.

And then I found 30s gangster boys, so we chilled.

Reduced Shakespeare Company

2009-10-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

I got to see the Reduced Shakespeare Company tonight. It was SO amazing.
Matt (one of the actors) stole my ticket and put it in his pants, sat in my lap, and stole Alysia's purse. This is Reed, Matt, and Austin.

And this is me with Reed, Matt, and Austin.

It was all just so unbelievably amazing. :D

boooooooooo medicine.

2009-10-29T01:04:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep from my medicines.
I have opposite reaction to a lot of medicines.
So, my nighttime cold medicine has made me completely awake.

HOWEVER, other than that
Life is amazing right now.
Everything is falling into place.
And the things that aren't amazing, are only making me a better person.

This is mind over matter.
And I am going to stay happy.

Kristen Bell

2009-10-21T18:40:00.000-07:00

O think I want this for my new haircut.

Thomas Sangster

2009-10-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

This REALLY upset me. The little boy from Love Actually, Tristan+Isolde, and Nanny McPhee

is grown up. And he is MY age.

I wanted to adopt him because he is so cute. But I can't adopt someone my age.
BUT if I have his babies, maybe they'll look just like him.
And just look like this!

My Patronus would be an effing LION

2009-10-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

I am really happy.
I feel balanced.
My life is turning for the better.
I am having fun and appreciating all I have.
I am taking in every second of life and enjoying as much as I possibly can.

Also, it helps that all I do is watch Conan O'Brien, Harry Potter, and Whose Line is it Anyway?

JuJu Bee

2009-10-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

I miss my baby brother so much.

Whose Line is it Anyway?

2009-10-10T20:40:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite Whose Line clip ever. Seriously, I have been trying to find it for like 3 or 4 years. :D

But this is a close second.

And I cried watching this because I laughed so hard.

And finally, THE BEST full episode. It just gets better and better.

Paul Ballard

2009-10-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

Oh you can be my handler Paul Ballard. SO SEXY!

Disney Channel

2009-10-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

I cannot stop watching Disney Channel.

I think I have finally seen all of Jonas, Sonny With a Chance, and Wizards of Waverly Place.

Conan O'Brien

2009-10-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I CANNOT stop watching Conan. :D
Makes me so HAPPY!

We look DAMN good my friend

2009-09-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

I really think the pictures from Brinkley's birthday are the best I have ever looked in my life. I love my boys. :D

Shark attack, robot, pac man, putnam

2009-09-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

My bruddah is home for his 2 week leave. So happy.

My dad, amanda and jude are in town too through sunday. so happy again.

I played with emoticons for at least 30min today with alli. made me even happier.

i love life right now.

Gonna get there soon

2009-09-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

Well Brinkley's party was fun.
Except for the fist sized bruise on my ass. That is STILL Purple, black, and blue. :(

Work is a bit crazy.
I'm told there is no need to worry.
I'm ready for it to be settled.

On the happiest note I've had since April, BRUDDAH COMES HOME FOR HIS 2 WEEK LEAVE TOMORROW!
I'm SO happy. :) EEEEEEEEK!

BBY

2009-09-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

My paycheck is 5 days late.
This BLOWS.

Who's to say that we can't keep it real

2009-09-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

In my new house.
Unpacking blows.
So does doing laundry.

Brinkley's b-day party on wednesday.
Should be fun.
Gotta look goooooood. :)

Getting closer with unexpected people.
Only good part of my job. haha.

I love you Shnagel, Belby, BB, Taffer Gale, Shelly (Lighthouse), NEVER SHEB

2009-08-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

I said goodbye to Shelby tonight.
It is probably the hardest goodbye I've ever had to say.
I hope that she is happy up there, truly I do. I will just miss her so much.
Shelby Lyn, I love you so much. You are my heart and soul. You are the best friend I have ever/will ever have.

-YELLOW, Keefer, Sandra, Cass, Taffer Jill, Sandy

Catch Me

2009-08-26T19:51:00.000-07:00

Alli has rubbed off on me. I loove Demi Lovato.
And the song "Catch Me"

Before I fall too fast
Kiss me quick, but make it last
So I can see how badly this will hurt me
When you say goodbye

Keep it sweet, keep it slow
Let the future pass, And don't let go
But tonight I could fall too soon
To this beautiful moonlight

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
But please don't catch me

See this heart won't settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
I'm terrified of what you'll do
My stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away so I can breathe
Even though your far from suffocating me
I can't set my hopes too high
Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
But please don't catch me

So Now you see why I'm scared
I can't open up my heart without a care
But here I go, it's what I feel
And for the first time in my life I know it's real

But you're so hypnotizing
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've get me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I'm falling
So please don't catch me

If this is love please don't break me
I'm giving up so just catch me

If you love me, wont you let me know?

2009-08-24T21:09:00.000-07:00

Honestly, the song "Violet Hill" gets me so unbelievably pumped up. It is a bit ridiculous.

I am back on my medicine again. THANK GOD.
Seriously, it was really bad for a while.

Now, I am ready to be positive and change the world and all that jazz! :)

VA

2009-08-23T19:05:00.000-07:00

VA training turned out to be fun.

Met some really awesome people.
That all live over 5 hours away.
FTW?!
Still, good weekend.

Daniel V

2009-08-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

My love for Daniel Vosovic and his designs is never ending.
I want him to be my Tim Gunn.
AND ONE DAY HE WILL!

Cam

2009-08-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

Simply seeing this has improved my day so immensely. oh wow...

Lucky Charms

2009-08-16T21:47:00.000-07:00

I am so desperate for some form of good news that I almost bought a pregnancy test purely so I could take it and say "Well at least I'm not pregnant!!!" because it is impossible for me to be anyways. Its a win situation right? But I'm afraid some biblical miracle would occur simply for trying it.
That is my luck this month.

Why do we complain about the things we can't change?

2009-08-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to stay positive. However.....

Baby girls left.
Boys leave in a couple days.
Shelby leaves on the 28th.
I have 2 trips to VA that I cant afford right now because i am being reimbursed.
I have school 4 days a week.
I have work 5 days a week.

It just really hard to be positive right now.

On top of all of that, I am realizing a lot of things about myself that I need to change.
I am too mothering and protective of my friends. It is always with the best of intentions, but I try to protect them from anything that may hurt them or backfire, instead of letting them live their lives the way they want to. However, it is none of my business. SO, from now on, I am minding my business. My opinion is my own and doesn't need to be shared. People live their lives the way they want to and anything that happens they will deal with their own way.
Also, I HAVE to buckle down and focus on what I want. I am always trying to please others, or change what I really want because of practicalities. I am done with that. I am getting/doing what I want. It is NOT to much to ask for the best or everything you want. I am a good person and I deserve good things.
Also, I am writing a lot now. Its private, and maybe one day ti will be shared with the world. But I feel good doing it. I've always been a dreamer, but now, maybe it will pay off.

"My whole world is SPINNING!!!!!!"

2009-08-11T20:19:00.000-07:00

Went to Cola to see all the baby girls' new apt. its amazing.

Party was a bit crazy.

Did have good talks with the boys. don't know if they remember them but i do. :)

I'm trying not to let everyone leaving get me down. this is really hard though.

Never settle

2009-08-07T23:04:00.000-07:00

To say that the Coldplay concert tonight may sound incredibly cheesy, but its true.
I don't mean it in a fan girl way, although Guy Berryman made me swoon as usual. :)

I just realized that I should never settle. My mom always told me that about guys, however when i keep my sights too high (in her opinion), she says I'm unrealistic. However, this time I don't only mean guys, I mean life.

Why should I settle for a single thing in life?
If it is possible for 4 simple guys from England to do such amazing things, why can't I achieve ANYTHING I want? What is impossible for me? Why settle for anything but EVERYTHING?
It can all be possible for me. I wont give up. I just need to focus on what i want, set my mind to it, and work my ASS off.

I just want to change lives.
I listened to Coldplay tonight and as pitiful as it sounds, I totally cried. I just realized what an impact those songs have made on my life in the past 7 years. And when I heard Chris Martin say it out loud, I just realized how human we all are sometimes. Even the rich and famous fall in love, and get heartbroken, and get frustrated with the world, and sometimes feel the exact way you do, and they just simply put it into words.

I want to impact the world in a way that makes people realize how human we all are. I want to make someone connected with anyone else in the world in a hard time. I want to help someone express their hearts desire.

I just want to make a difference to everyone. It's just narrowing down how.

BTW picture from tonight (where I was a mere 10 ft from Coldplay at one point, and honestly it was the most amazing night of my life. nothing will beat this.)

Make new friends but keep the old.

2009-08-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've been catching up with one of my best guy friends in the whole world, Cameron. It has been great really to catch up with him. It's nice to know that over the 7 years I've known him, and the years of not talking, twice, our relationship will never change. He will always be my Cammy.
The perfect exlanation of us:
Me: You were always good with me Cammy. Youre the one who always spoiled me rotten. :)
Cammy: youre my sweetie baby! I just treated you how you should always be treated.

He's ruined me for all you boys. :) haha I missed my Cammy-Ron. :)

Strawberry Swing

2009-08-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

OKAY this makes me really sad.
After watching the "Strawberry Swing" video for the 39408793875349857 time, I thought
Hey wouldn't it be fun to do that with a guy for Halloween and I could be the girl that he saves?
But then I realized that NO ONE WOULD KNOW WHO WE WERE.
Also, I don't think I know anyone that would do this with me. AND now if I see anyone do this, I'm going to be pissed. :( Seriously, I'm really upset.

We would look like this:

If you haven't seen the video, here is is:

I need those Space Saver bags

2009-07-31T23:18:00.000-07:00

Eh, sometimes life hands you shit that you don't want.
I tuck it in my closet until spring cleaning and then toss it.
Only thing it does is temporarily take up space.

When you wish upon a star

2009-07-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

I want to marry him

but I want to have sex with him first.

In my dream world, everyone is single and waiting for me. hahaha

I am just a passerby

2009-07-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

I am back at Best Buy but in the Mobile department. I don't want to have to get a job but oh well. I'll make it work.

Alli got home from Montreat last weekend. I'm happy that I've gotten to see her so much.
I'm bummed that the girls move in like a week and a half though. It will just suck after seeing them so much this summer.

Counting down until Alli's slip-n-slide bday party (Aug 5), Coldplay (Aug 7), VA trips (Aug 14-16 and Aug 21-23), school starting (Aug 17), Michael Alvarado at Tremont (Aug 30).
I have a lot to look forward to. :D

If you're happy and you know it

2009-07-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

I'm happy.

It's a good feeling.

I don't know what else to say about it. :D

Now I'm free falling.

2009-07-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

At the moment, I keep listening to John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin and his song Hummingbird.
Also, I listen to A LOT of Coldplay. :)

I'm happy.
I'm not worrying about tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or when the feeling will end. I'm just going with it.
I like it.

Tat it up?

2009-07-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well Cam may take me to get one or both of my tattoos that I want. I changed my mind on the yellow ribbon. But I found anther one I want instead.
So the first is the Peace dove I want on the top of my foot:

I want the placement like this though:

The other one I want is a bit more confusing. I'm going to need to figure it out. I want the quote:
A bird does not sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.
And I also want this sparrow:

And I want it here (Ouch, i know, hurts worse than labor from what I hear.)

I'm going to really think it over first though. But, I've wanted the peace dove for almost two years now, so I may go and do that one, and wait on the sparrow and quote...b/c hat one will hurt like a bitch, to say the least. :/

FAIL (as in NOT a win)

2009-07-19T04:34:00.000-07:00

Went to sleep at 1:30.
Woke up at 4:30 to pick up Ross and Chace and Zach.
Went and watered a neighbors plants for her.
The hose sprayed me from head to toe when I shut it off.
Got a cup of coffee, spilled it on my from head to toe.

I now look like shit, am still wet, smell like coffee and half&half, tired as shit, and everyone I know is sleeping.

The fail wasn't even picking the boys up. It is just a rest of the morning fail. :( This morning is not a win at all.

Now, I'm just really tired and I can't sleep because my house is so bright. :( what the flunk.

In with the old and in with the new?

2009-07-18T06:38:00.001-07:00

First date in about a year.
Went well I think.
I haven't read into anything nor expected anything from it.
I'm happy with that.

Also, heard from two old guy friends yesterday as well.
It was really nice to hear from them.
"I miss my Cassie" miss you too.

Also, my mom pointed out that I have a Chandler, Joey, and Ross that I know.
What a win. :)

Expect nothing in return

2009-07-16T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am trying to expect nothing from people in an attempt to stop my never ending disappointment. If I expect nothing then I wont be disappointed and anything good that actually happens will just be great.
I'm working on it. I haven't really gotten it down yet, but it is a goal of mine. It may be pessimistic, but hell, I've been disappointed enough lately to last a lifetime. I need a guard up.
I'm just more of the "glass half empty" type.

BUT, my girl looked SUPA HOT in Harry Potter. :) HAY Emma.
Girl crush is ridic.

Emma Watson

2009-07-13T20:07:00.001-07:00

Seriously, my girl crush on Emma watson is a bit ridic. haha. She's just so cute. ALSO, if anyone has an extra couple grand to spend...BUY ME THIS BAG! It's burberry. I would make sweet sweet love to whoever does. seriously. I love this bag.

Ready to run

2009-07-12T18:35:00.001-07:00

Right now, I just want to leave and not look back. I want to run. I want a new start with new people and faces. I want a clean slate. I want a chance to be someone new, to not be me anymore.

If it weren't solely for my mother, I would've packed everything today.
And be here:

Open your eyes

2009-07-09T21:33:00.000-07:00

When I think about you, the same phrase always comes to mind.

How can I catch up when I don't want to?
How can I catch up when I still want you?

Just open your eyes.

O-H-I-O

2009-07-08T13:11:00.000-07:00

I went to Ohio.
I had a really good time.
I finally got to see the Hesske's.
I got to play with babies.
I got to see my little brother.

I'm home now.
The drive was exhausting.

I'm going back to my job at Best Buy.
Hopefully I can work for Pat, but I'm thinking it will be in Mobile (Cell Phones).

Evan Rachel Wood

2009-06-26T12:30:00.000-07:00

I think I may get my hair cut but keep it blonde? It so super cute. :)

Also, I have a GIANT girl crush on Evan Rachel Wood.

She's so sexy.

Jude Xavier

2009-06-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

I miss when Jude was a tiny baby.

Or when he could just barely walk.

Or when he could just barely talk.

:( I miss my little brother a lot.

When I go back up to Ohio in like a week and a half I will take new pictures of him so everyone can see how big he is. And how handsome. :)

Dexter

2009-06-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

Hey Cutie!!!

My New Love!

COCO

2009-06-17T16:22:00.000-07:00

LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU CONAN O'BRIEN!!!!!!!!!!

Rosi Golan - Come Around

2009-06-16T16:55:00.000-07:00

So high tonight and I don't feel like coming down
I could lie to you all my days but you're the one
You’re the one

And I'm a fool for waiting so long to let you know

Come around
Come around
Come around
Come around to me
There's something in between you and I
Come around
Come around to me
If you feel like breathing come around
Come around
Come around
Come around to me

Like sunlight won't you come and lay a ray down
You're the one
I could run
I could run for the life of me but where would that get me
Where would that lead

And I'm a fool for waiting so long

How are you gonna feel alive?

2009-06-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

I just want a boy to say this to Daddy or Derek:
"Excuse me, mister, I'm in love with your daughter. Been a fact since the first day I saw her. Don't worry, I can provide."
-Shannon McArthur "Tonight"

It's the cutest song in the world. He is really good.

As is Michael Alvarado. HE IS INCREDIBLE. Really. It is unbelievable.

The show last night was just so good.

And my fave pic from the weekend: